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 Each
one of us scrambles to get those extra hours into the system on a
daily basis. Sometimes work, sometimes home, sometimes social or
business life. While we battle to meet deadlines at work, keep
members of the family safe, secure and happy and battle for the
success and connections that bring us grief and joy, most of us fail
to understand that the key to living is within oneself. Maintaining
the quality of life with healthy living – not just the intake of
diet but healthy in terms of the mind, our interaction with others
with basic kindness.
It often takes someone like the adorable 106 years old Surajben
Doshi (fondly called as “Kakiba” in this story and with friends and
family) to provide a living example as a woman of magnitude – strong
mind, highly powered intellect with a kind and honest heart. Here is
the life of Kakiba who has lived with basic entities that cause no
health risk, is of high value and above all comes free. The reason
the story becomes interesting is because typically by the time
someone gets to be the oldest, they either lose their sense of
hearing, or would not provide a direct answer to every question you
ask. With Kakiba it is different. She rejoices in sharing those
wonderful moments with her loving husband who is no more, calling
him as “the most handsome and the best man” she has ever met all her
life. She also adds that “nobody in the world is as good as my
husband”. She still remembers her interaction with “Vallabh” (read Vallabhai Patel) and her presence at Mahatma Gandhi’s meetings and
many more stories. She vividly remembers “the jaggery water offered
as a substitute for alcoholics by Gandhiji” and also with a
beautiful smile mentioned how united all of them were in their
struggle for freedom. How everyone came together and there were no
hard feelings and how everyone contributed their bit to see
themselves free of bondage.
Born on April 9th, 1904 at Chotila, Saurashtra region (Gujarat),
Kakiba came to the United States in 1973 when she was 69 years old.
Mother of seven kids, she has 16 grand children, 14 great grand
children and 6 great great grand children. The family spans four
generations and Kakiba still stands as the foundation to the closely
knit family. The family instantly reminded me of the Bollywood
family entertainers with family members meeting at every
event/festival possible.
 Questioned about the changes in the family structure from the past
to the present, Kakiba with a small twinkle in her eyes mentioned in
Gujarati that she loved “joint family”. She still feels that joint
families would work if the “two individuals work towards the
happiness of the family members putting aside economic liberty and
freedom”. Kakiba mentioned that there were 22 people living in the
same home and how they were devoted to each other. She strongly
feels that a “woman should be financially independent not because it
is the basic right”, but according to Kakiba, “a woman represents
strength, unity and a strong mind and she can equally contribute to
the security of the home”.
 According to Kakiba, a woman has the complete skill to share the
burden of the family. She is equally equipped with a good skill set
to manage crisis. Kakiba maintains that she always encouraged women
to work and not sit at home. Speaking to kakiba’s family members,
they reiterate what I just saw – a woman who was too progressive for
her times. Kakiba wanted to study more but had to cut short her
education in 4th grade but her intellect is far more superior to
most graduates today. She wanted to be a doctor but said that her
“responsibility towards her family, kith and kin did not give her an
opportunity to study more”. According to her son and grandson,
Kakiba loves writing long letters where she uses beautiful words to
describe moments. Most of her letters are very inspirational to
date, said her family members.
With decades of experience handling family relationships, where does
Kakiba feel the change? She is quick to retort that “people today
are not devoted to each other like how they used to be. Husband and
wife seem to get a little tired of each other. There is some light
sense of competition between the two. Also, the respect and the
feeling one has towards elders have changed”. As I ask her the
reason behind this disparity, she mentioned that “education, the
need to not share anymore and economic independence could have
caused it. Also, most individuals today do not have patience to
accommodate another person’s feelings and the willingness to
adjust”. Those days, people never got offended easily, she added.
As an aside, Kakiba used to love Amitabh Bacchan and Rajesh Khanna.
Currently, she does not watch movies.
According to her family members, Kakiba has maintained her body as a
temple and her diet as an offering. She rarely sits idle. Till date
she contributes towards the chores in the house as she strongly
believes that “exercise in one way or the other is important for
healthy living”. She encourages all her family members to do
something fruitful in the spare time. She stresses on “hard work”
and her caring and sharing nature has made her live life for others.
She has very minimal requirements in life and believes that “having
minimum requirements can bring more happiness”.
Eagerly waiting to hear her diet plan, I quickly quizzed Kakiba with
her daily schedule wanting to know if she was eating any special
herbs, here’s something interesting:
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Kakiba strongly believes in the power of prayers. She feels prayers
bring discipline to one’s life. Maintaining healthy habits, Kakiba
eats only two meals a day. She hasn’t been eating sugar for over 70
years now and she eats only in small portions of food. Her daily
schedule has a lot of reading- newspapers, magazines, and religious
books. She feels that her “readings have stimulated” her mind to
progress and think. She reads and prays for over 8 hours a day.
Kakiba has never taken any medications. She eats cereal, natural
foods and she drinks milk. She does not eat after sunset. And, she
would eat half of what her stomach says. She feels that abusing
one’s body without knowing its capacity and capability is a sin.
Also, “if your stomach is full”, she jokingly says that “you become
idle and lazy”. |
 What is Kakiba’s strength? What makes her different? She is a woman
who is flexible in her adaptation towards change. She can easily
adapt to any environment or circumstances. It does not matter if it
is a millionaire or a beggar sitting in front of her, she treats
them all the same because according to her good begets good. He fond
memory is a lovely spinning wheel she received from Gandhiji and for
long she has spun her own fabric (Khadi) as her saree. She has
stayed very hygienic and clean. To that matter, Bharati Doshi her
daughter-in-law whom Kakiba resides with has great things to say.
“She is my mom. She keeps the house so clean. She helps me and she
is so fun to be with”.
According to Bharti Doshi (Kakiba’s daughter-in-law), Kakiba is the
‘coolest’ person, very adjustable. “I take her out everywhere
because she loves visiting places. She never comes in between my
activities, she is like my baby. She gets up at 7 a.m., sits on the
floor for hours as she does prayers for close to three hours, non
stop. She has a perfect natural meal at 10:30 a.m. She reads, sleeps
so cutely for sometime. She knows where her glasses, stick, books
etc are. She rarely needs any assistance”. Kakiba is welcomed by
everybody. She is loved by all because she is just cool. Nobody
thinks of her as a 106 years old grandma. Bharti maintained that
Kakiba still “sings and dances with us at parties”. She does not
complain about anything bad. She does not retaliate even if I don’t
treat her right at times when she makes the decision to fast. I am
so blessed that we share that bond and that we have that kind of
understanding, she added.
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Sharing her experience as advice to the younger generation, Kakiba
stresses on three important elements of life: “Do your work with
complete ethics and honesty, success will follow. It might be
delayed, but it will certainly be yours for a long time. Have a
strong religious background: no matter whether you are a Hindu,
Muslim, Christian, Jew or Buddhist, believe in the power of your
prayers and last but very important – be moral towards your family.
This will keep you happy and healthy”. |
Here is 106-year old Surajben Doshi – a woman who possesses a strong
will power blended with progressive thoughts that are sprinkled with
a positive outlook towards life. It is her willingness to learn even
today with her clarity of thought that has made her live life queen
size. She has set a kind example to many about the fact that seeking
material power is not bad, but compromising spirituality and
kindness for meaningful and selfish gains can only destroy the
spirit and damage your body. She isn’t a business powerhouse or a
celebrity, but she is our Inspirational Michigan Indian because she
has shown us what it takes to be 106 years and what it is to be
truly happy at 106 years. |
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